The Paradox of Perfectionism: A Discursive Piece inspired by Kafka

Picture a young girl who has just stepped onto the ice rink for the first time. She is tentatively holding onto the railings as she shuffles her way around the perimeters of the rink. She dreams of becoming a professional skater one day, like the ones she has seen on television, whose skates barely seem to scratch the surface of the ice and whose spins seem to defy the laws of gravity. The girl devotes herself to improving and is soon skating freely without the help of the railings, but there’s just one thing; she is deathly afraid of slipping and falling onto the ice.

 

Perfectionism, rather than being the need to be perfect, is defined by an individual's pursuit of an extremely high, and often unattainable, standard. It's the desperate need to avoid the crippling sense of disappointment and grief that follows when you have been unable to meet your own expectations. In today’s fast-paced and outcome-driven society, perfectionism may seem helpful, even desirable; it so closely resembles the self-discipline and attention to detail that any employer would seek in a prospective employee. From an outsider’s perspective, a perfectionist’s relentless dedication to meeting their own expectations may seem admirable and inspiring. Yet, as most people who have experienced perfectionism first-hand would know, when unchecked, it is ironically one of the greatest obstacles to reaching greater success and the feeling of self-satisfaction.

 

Perfectionism manifests itself in an infinite number of ways. For some perfectionists, their day may be dictated by the need to tick every single activity of their to-do-list, while for others, they may be more concerned with completing a single activity impeccably, not allowing themselves to do anything else unless they feel completely satisfied with the final outcome. No two perfectionists may act in exactly the same way, but for every single person who has let it dictate their thoughts, it's a glinting wire cage that traps them from branching out and attempting new activities, one that protects them from the unknown and the unfamiliar, all out of the need to avoid feeling like a failure. When someone devotes their whole identity to being able to achieve a certain set of expectations, any shortcoming will immediately bring about an avalanche of distress and self-loathing, something so painful and unbearable that they will do anything to shut it out.

 

Perfectionist might not attempt anything that contains the risk of failure but trial and error is an essential part of improvements.

 

Here is where the paradox lies; it is this need to achieve and meet such elevated expectations that confines the perfectionist from even attempting anything that contains the risk of failure, which is so essential to constantly improve themselves. As a perfectionist myself, I have noticed that my unrealistically high expectations for any work I produce has made me prone to one of the biggest enemies to productivity: procrastination. Before starting an essay, my crippling fear that it will not meet my standards drives me to complete the other tasks I have first. When I am finally forced to confront the blank page, I feel paralysed by the thought that even the slightest imperfection will subject me to a torrent of ruthless and bitter self-criticism. When I have finally brought myself to write more than half a page, I will reread what I have written, only to realise how much I dislike the lines, and decide to rewrite everything from scratch again. As anyone can imagine, this gruelling process has made me so averse to the idea of writing essays that any time I know I need to write one, I procrastinate and deny myself the opportunity to actually improve at it through practice and considering how to correct my failures (rather than to avoid them at all). Similarly, the young girl who has promised herself to never fall on the ice will never bring herself to attempt the harder spins and twirls that will set her apart from everyone else. Anyone who attempts such a difficult skill on ice for the first time is sure to fall, but if she convinces herself that she has failed in her task by falling short of her self-imposed rule, she will likely never have the motivation to re-attempt the spin, let alone reach her dreams of becoming a professional ice skater. When you set such high standards for yourself, you will either barricade yourself from trying anything new at all so that everything you do will be guaranteed to meet your expectations, or you will find yourself caught in an inescapable cycle of dissatisfaction and self-loathing with your own inadequacy.

 

When we reflect on the values of today’s society, it is no wonder that perfectionism has grown more common among today’s youth. Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill’s recent meta-analysis of rates of perfectionism from 1989 to 2016 revealed that today's undergraduates possess the highest rate of perfectionistic ideologies compared to any previous generation. When social media places so much emphasis on the exterior, and enables the comparison of lifestyles, body shapes and relationships at the tap of a screen, it is easy to become intolerant of the slightest personal failures. Our consumerist values also encourage us to always seek out our flaws, so that we will be tempted to constantly invest in the newest and most innovative solutions. Society has trained us to believe that we are one gadget, one diet program, one holiday away from living the perfect life, and we fall for it every time, despite knowing that this idea of perfection is a shifting target. It becomes easy to be always disappointed with the status quo and constantly be striving for a higher standard, when the overwhelming message that we receive from our world is that everyone else is thriving and satisfied, while we are plagued with our own failures and insecurities. For the little girl who has grown up only watching the most perfect spins and pirouettes on her television screen, she may be convinced that they have never slipped and fallen onto the ice, and that she herself must hold herself to the same standard if she is to reach their level of skill. It is ironic that this intolerance for failure will ultimately be what holds her back from reaching this level of success; you can never master a pirouette without falling down at least once.

 

So far, I may have made out perfectionism to be an unassailable, relentless parasite that seeps out the satisfaction of any progress if the end result falls short of brilliance. However, I believe that when it is recognised and thoroughly studied by the individual, it can be tamed and utilised to one’s own advantage. For me, the standards that I have set in place stem from an awareness of my own capabilities and the desire to keep myself accountable to continue striving and making progress. I believe that as long as these aims are not coupled with the 'all-or-nothing' mentality that a failure to meet these expectations automatically corresponds to a lower self-worth , it can be a powerful tool to avoid becoming too complacent and continue searching within oneself to gauge what they are capable of. However, it is ironic that in order to silence the automatic barrage of self-deprecating thoughts, you need to go against your very instincts to immediately shut them out; you need to simply throw the gates wide open and acknowledge your actions and their consequences. For the little girl to understand that falling does not equate to personal failure, she must first fall, then confront and challenge the emotions that accompany it. Only after continuing to push past her disappointment will she realise that she is just as capable of achieving the same goals that she had before, and not be discouraged from continuing to practice the challenging turns that will improve her skills as a professional skater. Thus, extreme perfectionism can be the greatest enemy to both productivity and self-satisfaction, but when tackled effectively and consistently, it can be a powerful tool to re-evaluate your own strengths and continue achieving even higher goals. When you are trapped within the cage of perfectionism, it may be tempting to let its walls hold you back, but when you finally allow yourself to open the door, you may realise that you can climb on top of it to achieve even greater heights than you ever thought was possible.